Self monitor to avoid silence and violence:
Be aware of how you respond under stress:
· Silence-withdrawing from conversation
· Silence- deliberately withholding crucial information
· Silence- avoiding stressful situations entirely
· Silence-deflecting topic with humor or sarcasm
· Silence-reluctant to express opinion
· Violence- name calling or pointing out others mistakes
· Violence-finger pointing or yelling
· Violence-personal attacks on others
· Violence- speaking over others
· Violence-moving from resolution to winning
Build mutual purpose
· At least one person must be aware that mutual purpose is important
· Have the skills to gain the agreement of others
· Put aside individual desires and goals in favor of common ground
· Requires stepping out of the content
· Mutual purpose requires mutual respect to avoid runaway emotions (anger and defensiveness)
· Respect is earned and starts with the person who has awareness—it may be to respect the person’s goals without respecting the whole person as a place to start
· State bottom lines clearly of what is wanted and what is not acceptable in search for common ground
· Start with agreement and move toward disagreement or least controversial to most controversial
· Sometimes the common ground starts as small as a mutual desire
· Brainstorm the possibilities and work with as many options as possible to find the solution
Speaking persuasively when moving into tough information
· Speak with confidence as if you deserve to be heard and the information is important
· Speak with humility that conveys respect for the personhood and viewpoints of others
· Speak with honesty while being kind and maintaining safety
· Ask questions and make open ended questions that convey that a solution has not been reached
· Leave room for respectful differences of opinion