Denial (Disbelief and Shock)
- This is not the way this is supposed to be! There must have been a mistake
- There is no way that I am equipped to be caregiver!
- I can’t feel anything. This must be a dream and I need to wake up now
- How am I supposed to get everything done?
- I cannot move or breathe or exist in this
- Fact: It seems that denial is the most common and most dangerous of the PCEs.
- Fact: Denial happens when those who love the person don’t acknowledge the elephant in the room, since surely the elephant can do no harm.
- Fact: Healthcare issues are difficult, complex and divisive.
- Fact: Many families prefer not to discuss such topics because they tend to create conflict and strife.
- Fact: Delaying the inevitable increases the possibility that something unfortunate or even catastrophic will go wrong that could have been prevented
- Fact: Denial and inaction dramatically reduces the options and possibilities of a good outcome.
- For the caregiver, questions of “why” they are thrust into a caregiving role or new developments that make their situation difficult.
- Additional questions unique to the caregiver is tied to their fitness to be a caregiver.
- Denial serves to initially buffer emotions as the mind avoids painful facts and emotions. In that regard, denial is often referred to as a blocking defense mechanism.
- Denial serves to shock absorb the limbic system from the impact of immediate stress impact.
- Denial can also be useful when you are triggered in a public place or in a situation where outward expression of deep emotion would be awkward or unwelcome.
Getting on Top of the Stuff that Scares Us: Check-in Questions for the Caregiver?
- What are some of your own feelings?
- How do you separate your stuff from the loved one in your care?
- What is working for you?
- What is motivating you?
- What does it mean to you to be “The Best Caregiver?”
- How can you move past your feelings of inadequacy?
- How can you take care of yourself in the interest of doing the best thing in your role as a caregiver?